Zofia: Mommy, what are you going to do when your best friend leaves you and doesn’t love you anymore? Mommy: You have to understand, people come and go in our lives. May it be your childhood best friend, your first boyfriend, your girlfriend, your classmates, your closest friends. People will have their own lives, people grow up, people grow apart, new people you will grow closer. Your heart could get broken by broken friendships, lost relationships, it is expected as you grow up. You can love a lot of people, when they don’t love you anymore, that’s okay too, give people choices. The only most important thing to remember is to love yourself the most first. Whatever happens, when no body else is there, love yourself because you can’t love others extensively if you don’t love yourself very much. Appreciate yourself , your happiness, your joy, your authentic self, others add to that but do not place your happiness on someone else’s response towards you. Remember, LOVE YOURSELF. Don’t worry about having a quality friend you can call BFF, you have me anyway, I can be the coolest best friend you could ever have! Zofia: Okay, that’s deep, I’ll try to process it. (She may not get it now but our words will be their inner echo growing up, keep feeding seeds of positivity to your children) – End-
0 Comments
It was a very specific message. Just as I started to pray, I saw a vision and a very clear picture of His beautiful message. I saw my own feet, I was barefoot and I walked thru hot burning coals. Then I heard his message as loudly as I could “You will walk on Fire, but it will not burn you!” Then I saw my feet continued to walk yet the coals then changed to water. I saw my feet, I was barefoot and I walked on water. Then I heard his message clearly, “You will walk on Water, but it will not drown you!” Immediately it reminded me of that Promise in the Bible and remembered the verse in Isaiah.
Isaiah 43:2 NIV “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” It is a great reminder that He enables us when there are situations that we think we are not able to handle. Whatever the situation you may be in, it is a test of Walking on Water and Walking on Fire, hang on and hold on to whom gives you strength : God, Husband, Family, Parents, Children, Friends, Church, Support groups. I had Cael in the stroller and he was crying , screaming to be exact, for reasons I could not even tell. I tried to take him out of his seat and carried him, but that did not seem to help. We were at the grocery and he isn’t having it, he was screaming and crying, wouldn’t take milk nor won’t take any toy as he usually does. Everyone around just started staring at me, in my head, “Don’t judge me Hahahah I am trying all my best to calm him down. Nothing is just working.” I paced around the aisles hoping he calms down, Daddy is few shops away, was at Staples sending out important mail. I wanted to cry in frustration but in my head, what’s that going to do? One person asked me, “Didn’t you get him a pacifier?” I just laughed uncomfortably and replied, “Yeah, he hates it. He takes it out of his mouth or just spits it.” To be honest, both David and Zofia never grew up with it too, Cael just absolutely would not take it. Ughh. Frustrating when you run out of things to do. Calm down Mama. It's normal for babies to cry, but it's society just makes you feel like it is wrong when Babies cry in public. I hate that. Looked around, no breastfeeding stations. No chairs. No lounges. I decided to leave the supermarket, left the shopping cart. I told Cael (just turned 6 months) as we headed out the door and started walking outside towards Staples, “It’s okay baby Cael, don't cry, we’re going to see DADDY!.” And boom... just as I said the word Daddy, he stopped crying and started looking around for Daddy. We walked around and he was at peace, waiting for a few minutes and we saw Daddy, Cael reaches out to him, then Eric asked me, “You want me to hold him?” I passed Cael to him, he didn’t cry anymore after that. Eric gave me a teasing grin.
Emotions were confusing. I tried to hold back my tears. There are days he prefers the Daddy more than Mommy, of course because Daddy spends most of the time during the days with him, I spend time with him after work until evening and sleep together, then all my weekends are with him. Told myself, stop being emo! This is a great thing. I appreciate my husband spending a lot of time with Cael as he works at night and I work during the day, though sometimes, it tugs my heart too, because when Cael was a newborn, the first 5 months, whenever he cries and inconsolable, Daddy passes him to me and he instantly calms down. It used to make him emotional too that he would keep looking for Mommy for comforting and he felt helpless. Like I said, balance is a great thing. There will be days he would want Mommy yet there will also be days he would keep looking for Daddy, either way, it’s all great, we know we both are there for him, no competition here. Right, Eric? Hahahahaha! MONDAY morning! It is when someone at work asked me if I am not feeling very well when I arrived, I said I was fine. I wondered why though, I sat down at my office chair fixed my hair and dabbed on lipstick, all set. She then said, "Ooh there you go. Your usual self." That's what happens when they are so used to seeing you wearing lipstick all the time. Cheers to Mamas who still find time to dress up and be glammed up, honestly my self fix time got cut to only 2mins and not 1hour like I used to, I only change to heels once I get to work but wear flats while traveling. Welcome to Express Mamas Multitasking! If anyone will ask me how was my day, I could literally say, "It is only 9am but I felt like I did a whole lot today." Flashes back in fast forward how the day went. 5am and I’m up and about getting things ready, preparing the kids breakfast, getting them to shower ready for school. I work in the IT field and somehow I wish everything at home you can design, program and automate just as the tasks we do at work. With 3 children; one elementary, the other one in middle school, one 4month old baby that stays home, both me and my husband work full time jobs. How are we managing it? I wonder too myself! The morning starts with everyone getting in the shower, the 2 kids are pretty much independent who showers, change and report to the dining table once they are ready. I cook their breakfast and pack their snacks to take to school. While they eat, I shower and feed Cael. This 4 month old baby is still breastfed, I feed him in the morning, I pump the whole day at work to store milk for Cael to drink the next days during the day. Then from the afternoon I arrive from work, till evenings, till the next day I leave for work again. Kids school starts at 8am, so we got to leave like 7am to get to school in time, I drop them at school 730am, then I go to work, my work starts 830am Monday’s thru Fridays, on call on certain weekends. I send them to school in the morning then I head to work. Some days, I work from home so Eric could sleep while I work. Eric picks them up after. Eric gets done at 730am from work, three days a week, some on call days on weekends, so certain days we got the nanny to help us out with watching Cael so he can sleep and I can work, some days he takes care of Cael and just take naps during the day with him. In short, the week gets really busy with school and work, reading all that probably got you tired too huh! Now, it is a house full of noise, a crying baby, a house full of toys, artworks and drawings but I prefer that. For me, this is life now and I’m learning, waking up at 2am because I wanted to clean, just because I feel like it. May feel like I’m a late bloomer but I’m proud to say, I learned to do the dishes without having to use the dishwasher at many times and just because you feel like you can do better than the dishwasher. So when I don’t answer to messages and calls at 8pm weekdays, don’t be surprised I am already in bed sleeping! It’s not that I intended to sleep early, I initially put the kids to sleep so I can do the rest of the chores, in some days I fall asleep and wake up the next day when damn exhaustion gets you! My spirit is willing but the body sometimes complain when you push it to its limits.
Back to how we are managing it? Friends, church mates who help us time to time, lots of Prayers too. It comes with Grace, I pray at random times in the day asking God to lead us everyday and guide us so we don’t get lead astray. Don't let all these busy life overwhelm me Lord, let Love, Faith, Hope, Patience, Understanding take over us instead because Life is meant to be enjoyed as we live it everyday. It was me, my childhood bestfriend Thesa, her Mom - Mama Thelma and my daughter Zofia eating at the table. Out of nowhere, she asked me, "Mommy, did you have other boyfriends before you met Dada?" The first question made me look at Thesa, gave her a look with one eyebrow raised, for she knows everything from the start. In my mind, "Oh man, this question of curiosity I am sure will lead to another big question she actually wants to ask me." The way I know my daughter, she is very inquisitive, yet at her age, it is not the right time for us to reveal details of our love life, as it would require a lot of maturity for her to understand what relationship really is all about. Discussing my relationships and my exes would need not just an article, it will require me to write a book about it, yep! 2 long term failed relationships and how complicated. So I asked her, "Why do you ask about that?" She replied, "Because when I finally decide to have a boyfriend and when Dada lets me get a boyfriend, I would need your help to choose the right one." That made me and Thesa laugh out loud. Choosing the right man was a struggle for me too, of course she did not know that. At the age of 30, I was still even confused about the RIGHT MAN, seems funny to think we get to help her make that decision. I told her, "There is no need to rush for it, but when he is the right man, you would know, because we would all approve of him, whoever he is." The next question was, "So how old would I be when I know it is okay to have a boyfriend and to make sure he is the right man?" I wanted to roll my eyes, me and Thesa got married in our 30s and I do not want to tell her to wait till she is 30 so I just said, "When the right time comes, the right man comes. He will not be perfect, he will not be fitting at first to all of your expectations, but as long as he loves you, he is sincere, he loves your family, respects you, would never lift a hand to hurt you, he would not abuse you in any means, then you would know in your heart. Most important is, do not keep secrets from Mommy because I will help you figure it all out. For now, enjoy time as a child, enjoy your family, worry about such later. You have a whole lot of other things to accomplish, just listen to Mommy all the time." And then she said, "I want someone like Dada, because Dada loves you and he loves us." These words might not mean so much to her at the moment nor would not even make any much sense, but I definitely will remember every word released to her especially now that we are grown ups, settled, married and raising a family. I am in between wanting her to learn life the way I did to make her as strong as I am, but I would not want her to go thru the same stupid mistakes I have done in my life. If she could avoid being young and stupid as I did, I would prefer that, yet as experience has taught me, it will serve as a guide for me to lead her the right way. For now, let's hold that thought and I will enjoy her being a 9 year old. No more boyfriend talks at all. One of the things I had to think and consider during this pregnancy, would be the Big deal about Diapers. With the first two kids, I chose to have them use Cloth diapers instead of Disposable when they were young, for a few reasons :
With my firstborn, as far as I remember, I started with a combination of Newborn diapers and then bought 3boxes of Cloth diapers from Chino Pino, one box has 12 cloth diapers so I had 36. I let the baby use the cloth diapers mostly during the day as it is easy to change, wash and dry. It was not as hard as well when the baby poops and since they were breastfed, it was easy to wash, soak, bleach and dry. But to be honest, it was not all easy and fun though. Here are some Challenges I encountered with Cloth Diapers. 1. The challenge was more during the evenings as the baby would sleep longer, it will need me to check time to time if their cloth diaper is wet. You would not want them sleeping soaked in their own pee and it also disturbs their sleep as it makes babies uncomfortable. It will require you lots of changing all through out the night. If you are breastfeeding, which would mean you are up and awake every 2-3hours to feed, you might as well do the diaper check and change as you do the feedings to make sure they remain dry and comfortable 2. The 2nd challenge would be when you go out and travel with the baby. The cloth diapers will not be sufficient at times as you would not have the easiest time to cleanup and change while moving around. You can pack and take lots of cloth diapers then if you still prefer, but would have to take along lots of vacuum bags that you can seal quickly every time you change them. 3. The 3rd challenge would be the inconvenience of clearing and washing the cloth diapers. It would be challenging to wash and clean them as it would be much more convenient to just take it off, clean them up and then throw the disposable diaper. It would a lot of convenient to throw the diapers and then pick up a fresh new one. But this is definitely up to you how you would like to manage it. 4. The 4th challenge would be the weather and would definitely need a washer + drier to get it cleaned up fast. It is an advantage to live in a country where you only have Wet and Dry season, at most times sunny, so you can wash and dry very quickly as you take turns with the rest of your stack of cloth diapers. The way I did it, as soon as it is soiled, bring it immediately to the bathroom and run it on hot running water so it gets cleaned asap and no smell. 5. The 5th challenge would be diligence to cleanup right after pee and poopie as you can't store dirty and unwashed diapers in a diaper bin, definitely would not be able to tolerate the smell in your room so you would want to make sure you want to wash it right after the change. The way I did it, after they pee on it, I immediately soak it in hot water, with a little bit of detergent, drops of lemon on the water and keep it there for a few hours. After that, it would be easy to wash, rinse and dry. It dries pretty quickly too in a few hours.
So, yeah we will see how it goes as to dealing with cloth diapers. We can try it for a few times and will see as well how the baby likes it, how the baby adjusts to it, if not, you can always use disposable diapers for the baby. We did keep a whole stack of them for backup purposes. They also have cloth Diaper services here, where you can schedule pickup for the cloth diapers few times within the week and they provide the clean cloth diapers. Will keep you posted how it works out, if you have any advise or experience with cloth diapers, of course would gladly like to hear from you all. Till next article then! The excitement the night before, of dress rehearsals and pictorials. He was wearing a yellow polo shirt, 2 blue buttons in front, dark blue collar and the school logo on the left chest. It was paired with same dark blue colored short pants, white socks, school shoes and their yellow school bag. He was all set and ready for school. Our sons first day of School! He was 3 yrs old. As all these emotions build up, you start taking as much pictures as you can, to keep memories of the first day. Anticipation as a parent? That is one thing you can not steal from any parent knowing that their child is going to school. Wondering how they would be like without us, how they would react to classmates around them, how they will live with everything new around him. This is an expectation we all have to face as parents: Separation Anxiety as our kids start a new milestone; the first step to achieve the ultimate goal in the World of Education. As parents, we all wish we can peep and watch every single activity they go through so we can guide them. But there are just boundaries we have to live with and follow. I will share Facts on Separation Anxiety.
Number 1: On his first day, all dressed up, all geared and ready for school. All smiles as he normally is, he waved goodbye and went inside the classroom. Waiting, you feel impatient. Wondering if he was okay. Thinking if a bully might be hitting him. Separation Anxiety doesn't happen to the child alone, it also happens to the parent. Your mind wanders on possibilities. Then the school bell rings to mark end of class. Out of all those kids that would look almost the same in their uniforms, you spot your child too quick! He came out with wet eyes and cries as soon as he sees you. Yes, IT IS NORMAL. We went through this as well when we were young children. We also went through the same emotions so you need to understand, it is just a stage and both parties will pass through. Number 2: Separation anxiety is equal to adjustment. Adjustment to a whole lot of things around them. As classmates come in, a child then learns the value of identity and they learn to adjust to other people around. They realize they are unique from the others. They discover individuality and they are one separate person from Mommy or Daddy. They learn adjustment to new people around and new environment. For the parent, we learn that our kids, even linked to us, they are one separate entity. Number 3: Separation Anxiety leads to the value of both independence and interdependence. They learn that they are expected to act in ways like adults do: bring your things, make sure they keep their own stuff and taking responsibility of their belongings. They learn that they are responsible of their actions inside their classrooms and towards classmates. They discover the beauty of interdependence; they are introduced to Friendships, they learn cooperation as well as the importance of correlation to other children. It is vital we take the time to explain to our kids that life is beautiful when you know how to respect other children and the value of friends. Number 4: Separation Anxiety leads to Emotional Stability. They will learn how to control their emotions especially now that they have to make basic decisions on their own once in school. They learn emotional independence and the value of thinking first before they react. I do hope those helped and for those parents who went thru these scenarios with your children, you all can well relate. For parents with young children who are not yet in school, something you can look forward to. The most important thing is that, we, parents are expected to support and help them to get through such phase. It will all come to pass. The story of the little hamster family. They were gifts given to me by a close friend, she wanted me to keep it and take care of it. I was a willing care taker and would love to take care of those little babies. It was a Mom, a Dad and three little babies! They were so cute and adorable. I gave them two homes, the dad with all the boys and the Mom on her own cage. I was told not to mix them or else the Mom could get pregnant again, I was very careful at that. I enjoyed taking care of them, my younger brother helped me with them too. We give them nice baths and showers, making sure their cage is clean, nice and comfortable. We made them playgrounds they can play and made sure they got their water supply always at full.
One day I decided to give them a nice bubble bath, so I made this cutie little tub 🛀 for them to swim. I intended for the daddy and the babies to play in the tub. I saw their cages were getting messy, I decided to keep it tidy. I placed the Mom in the sink and placed some food, while I was cleaning her cage. Then it was time for the Dads cage to get cleaned, I took him out of the cage and placed him in the sink. I took the babies and moved them to the Moms cage temporarily while I cleared the cage. Whistling while I worked, everyone was fine, I played some music too for good feels. Since both cages are clean, I put the Mom back in her cage with the babies, then I placed the Dad in that little bubble bath I prepared. The water was not to high, just maybe waist line high and bubbly, it smelled really nice, it was prefect so they can relax. Turned my back for a second, went to check on the babies so I can add them to the tub, picked one up and to my surprise, when I looked at the little tub, the Daddy is not there. I suspected he jumped out but I can't find him anywhere in the bathroom. Then it crossed my mind, oh my goodness! Could he be under the bubbles? Lo and behold, i found him there, under I got him out of the water. I laid him on the towel and checked for breathing. Imagine this tiny little hamster, he might have drank soapy bubbly water, so I tried to resuscitate him by doing a little cpr. I know how bad it was, it was terrible to watch him die, but I had to do what I needed to do. In my head, CPR should work for even these tiny little ones. I gave his heart a little pump using my finger, then blowed thru his open mouth. No response. Oh my God, I accidentally killed him. I was terrified to realize that. It broke my heart. I tried several times to revive him but then the attempts have failed. He laid there motionless. I'm sorry buddy, Rest In Peace. After that incident, no more bubble baths for the rest of them. It was a sad thought that their father died. I still placed the Mom is her own cage and the babies since they were all male, I separated them from their mother. The mom started to have some kind of angst issues, she also seemed to gain a lot more weight. I started to worry she would pass away too and be depressed. But surprisingly, I noticed the mother started to hide behind some piles of paper in her cage so I decided to clean it that following week. To my surprise, she had 5 newborn babies hiding behind that pile! Oh my goodness! Wow! Who would have thought, that same day I left the Mom and the Dad for a few minutes together in the sink and he got her pregnant? I could not even explain how that happened but she definitely got pregnant and even after losing her husband, she gained 5 more babies. I then have one Mom, 3 older brothers, 5 new babies! It was a riot, but never did I ever let them go swimming on a bubble bath again, just to be safe. Went to see the Grand Canyon and stood there at top of the steep cliff looking down. We are so small in this world, a speck of life. I sat at the edge and had my photo taken.
I am thankful for LIFE, the Life I have been given and the LIFE I am living. Indeed, I have lived my life, not yet to the fullest, I still have a lot of things I would like to do & accomplish. I have dedicated my whole life to the Lord, every part of me, every fiber of me is for Him as I never live for myself. I live for the happiness of others than my own, for the love of my family, friends and everyone I care about. I live to serve those whom I can be of help to and whom I can be a person to come to mind when they needed to talk about just anything without judgement. I pray I will serve my purpose on this earth because LIFE is short. I celebrate my birthday not just on my natal day, I celebrate it every morning whenever I wake up, realizing I am awake and I have another chance to live. Celebrate LIFE because that is the best GIFT we have. Traveled to Manila to attend a close friends wedding, I was there for the weekend. We attended the wedding and the party and it was awesome. I am back in my own country, it is not my hometown though. I didn't come home to Cebu, I am in Manila for the weekend. This is not the first time I traveled to Manila, my first time was during the World Youth Day conference when Pope John Paul II came to visit. Few other times for vacation and the longest time probably was when I got assigned to stay there more than a month for a Project.I have a lot of good friends that are from Manila, so whenever I come visit, I always travel along with my covenant sister Ami. Now, situation called for me to travel by myself from Ibarra to Makati to visit a family member. Probably for everyone I know who are from this side of the country, they would say it's easy, true. But for me, it felt like the toughest challenge because I know nothing there and commuting thru taxi will be a great scare. 730pm, it started to be dark. They hailed a cab for me, gave the instructions to the cab driver where to send me. I am expected to arrive within 30 mins minus the traffic.
Whew okay, Inside the cab. I started to get scared but held on to my composure. Here we go. My Heart started racing like crazy. I have traveled quite a few countries alone, strangest places, unknown people, unexplored locations, only depending on maps and tourist guides online. I never felt scared traveling by myself nor thought of anything negative about my travel. This time it is different. This is my country, how could one be scared? But my heart would just not stop pumping so hard and I felt uneasy. That's the thing when you see too many things in the news and on tv, it feeds you FEAR. My mind couldn't just stop thinking where the driver will end up taking me, thoughts of being ganged up, that the taxi driver will spray something on the cab air conditioning to make me faint, someone will just shoot me dead randomly. Too many things you see on the news and on television. The taxi driver then started a conversation, I kept avoiding, I pretended to be busy. Just saying as small answers to questions, as I tried to keep my accent. I am not a native Tagalog speaker which means I would speak more English than Tagalog. I tried to mimic how usual Tagalogs talk to act as natural as possible, not a stranger to my own country. All I could do inside the cab, is pray. To pray for my own safety, pray that the driver will be nice, pray that everything will be fine. I arrived safely at the destination and if you could just imagine how many times I thanked the driver for taking care of me. I was happy. Visited my Aunt who is admitted at the hospital for Cancer. They also do not live in Manila, they were also just staying at the hotel. I then said goodnight and then faced the trial of traveling again to the hotel when they told me they will stay in the hospital. I was told the hotel is another 30 mins away. When you are too used to taxi cab commuting in Singapore, we all know A to B isn't complicated and it doesn't matter what time it is, dawn or broad daylight, your safety is guaranteed. Now, part 2, is to take cab to go hotel. At the hospital, I waited in line, I told the Security guard to talk to the driver for me and give him the details of the hotel. I was scared to talk to the taxi driver cause I was scared he will find out I am not local. Then the driver and me traveled 11 in the evening. The hotel is in United Nations avenue. We drove past unknown dark places and I kept praying. Then my heart started getting scared again, when the taxi driver started driving to very narrow unlighted roads. Out of nowhere, the cab suddenly stopped, he stopped in a non lit street. I looked around and it seems like we were surrounded by container vans, some pier or port. I checked my phone, the battery just died on me! I carried 2 phones, 1 Iphone that is my main number and 1 other phone that is just meant for calls, they told me it is the decoy if someone tries to steal or rob you, that is the phone to just give. Both of the phones, dead. No power. He stopped in a dark alley and spoke, "I don't think I remember the hotel address. What is the address again of the hotel?" OMG! I could have died inside but tried to act as composed as I could possibly be. My head is all screaming and looking for possible plans to do next. I said the address and the driver said he is lost. Oh Lord, I wanted to faint of the news, but I had to keep composed. He stopped and just stared at empty space, thinking. Then he turned to me and just stared at me, looking at me straight in the eyes. Silence. Awkward silence. I wanted to cry. No gps. No maps on iPhone. I felt helpless. There is nothing left for me to do. I can imagine it's funny for some people that I started to take my passport, my IDs, my cards and my phone. I was ready to run just in case he attempts to do something. In my head, "Lord, please keep me safe. My security is always at your hands." I prayed so hard in the cab, I prayed so hard that I suddenly raised my hand towards the drivers seat. I prayed for the driver, I placed my hand near his face and prayed over him. He might think this is weird woman, but I needed to do what I gotta do to live. I kept telling myself, "God, not this way. I do not want to die like this. Please, not like this." Then the driver started talking to me, he said, "Sorry Mam, I think I remember now, I know the way now." He started to drive again I still could not breathe almost. I reached the hotel safe and sound, I thanked the driver for everything and gave him 3 times more than the fare. He told me I gave him too much, I told him, "that you for keeping me safe. Stay good always and take care." He looked at me like I am weird! Fear, when it is there, it eats you and feeds your mind, fear of violence, aggression and bad people. It stops you and steals your happiness and security. I prayed over and over about it. I went to the hotel room and cried, I needed to let all that fear go and not emotionally blackmail me. I went to sleep in peace and woke up today happy. Even until now, I think about that night. I am thankful always. There will always be GOOD in this world, but we need to PRAY harder for people. |
EmilyAnderson
And now these three remain: FAITH HOPE LOVE. But the greatest of these is LOVE. I LOVE to write, about LIFE, LOVE, PEOPLE, EXPERIENCE, day to day life and INSIGHTS. I love to Travel. I travel a lot, I create Video blogs on my travel as well as I write about experience, culture, highlights and knowledge. May this site serve you well. I will be open for comments and suggestions, as well as topics I could write about. Thank you very much. Archives
December 2018
Categories
All
|