GLITTER DUST OF MY MIND. SOLILOQUY.
Today, I am reminded over and over about the fact that life on earth is temporary. What you make out of this life is never permanent. Never keep hurts, pains, hate, grudges, judgment, anger towards anybody on this world, it will only add to negativity in your life.
Think of the great things, concentrate on the good things, positive things like love, peace, hope, trust, harmony, understanding. These add value in your life. Think of virtues in your life, alignment with people, building relationships with friends regardless of skin color, race, language, nationality, religion. My grave in the end will be the same size as yours. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: DUST. Then the spirit shall return unto God. Think of the beautiful things in this life, family, friends, those who love you, those who care for you, people you love, people you care about. Think of people who hate you and pray for them, there is nothing you can do when they hate you for who you are, what you are, how you are, why you are who you are. Think of people who cause you pain, pray for forgiveness that your pain is removed and revenge won't live in your heart. Pray for those who backbite, back stab you, make up stories about you, step on you just for them to get to their goals. Thing of people you need to pray for, pray for them and never curse them in your heart, you could never have love in your heart and hate at the same time. Retaliating evil for evil is not the way. Think of those people who oppress you. Love those who you have difficult time loving. Love those who hurt you. Love those who cause you pain. Love those who insult you. I cry even as I write this myself because it is easily said than done, but this is the TRUTH. Hard truth. If you can love without conditions, this is when you can say you have TRULY LOVED. The PERFECT LOVE, the way God can love you and me just as we are <3 A beautiful story on relationships, building them, keeping them, fixing them and maintaining them. I watched the movie with high hopes, knowing I will definitely reap a lot of learnings and notes. I will share my personal review without revealing and spoiling the story for all of you. I will leave the rest for you to watch.
This movie would encourage women; young, middle aged, old, kids, singles, married, thinking about marriage, to know the importance of relationships towards your faith, your family, your friends and your fellowships. This movie as well would encourage men too, to be the best of who they are meant to be and what they are called for. It starts off with the depiction of the what I consider as Ws that we ask that cause CONFLICT: 1. What's WRONG? 2. What's LACKING? 3. What's BROKEN? 4. Whose FAULT? These are questions that makes you question what were the underlying reasons why a person commits mistakes, what's the ripple effect if these issues were taken for granted and not addressed, ignored or worst, just tolerated until it is too late. It is story that shows how grace teaches people to forgive, how to be empathic to others, how to be sensitive to the needs of others and not just live in our own pretty lives not caring about the people around us. Of course, it reveals beautiful lessons of Rs: 1. REPENTANCE 2. REDEMPTION 3. RESTORATION 4. RENEWAL You have to see it to know why I came up with the 4Ws and 4Rs, it's a movie that would challenge you as well to check on your own relationships as to where you stand and if we are actually putting effort in strengthening our bonds with the people we love. Enjoy the movie! As we visited the Tuol Sleng Museum in Cambodia, it was the much known for Prison of those who got executed at THE KILLING FIELDS. FREEDOM restricted. How sad could it be when you are not able to do things that you wanted to do because you are not free at all. Freedom held, freedom purged, freedom you can not even pay for not work for. Life could be so hard to be in a situtation where in you are bound to be behind barb wires, waiting for death. Even escaping meant early death. Would you just choose to wait for your turn to be killed? Or would you be bold enough to escape and die voluntarily earlier that scheduled? Life is sad when you are behind thorny + rusty barb wires like these. Can you imagine yourself being deprived of your own freedom? They were taken captive. Some did not even have the time to understand what was happening. It was not a choice. It was not even an option. More painful is when you know you do not even have an assurance that you will be able to escape and go out of that prison and the part of waking up day after day, that today could be the day you are meant to die. It is Painful, but True! We are still born blessed and that we are given our freedom to be able to do our own will. For others, it was not even a choice! Take care of your freedom, it is a GIFT!
When we get hurt on small things, the LITTLE THINGS from the people we trully LOVE, it hurts more than usual, more than normal. Like you really feel a different kind of pain, the heart feels like it stops for a few seconds and then it starts beating again.
You know WHY? This is because You both hold on to feelings and you both know you complete each other thats why you don't want anything to make the other feel pain. The good thing though is because you are each others comfort, you know how to make each other feel better and you know how to assure each other that you have love to hold on to all the time and forgiveness for each other. Forgive and Love!"- Emily,May3,2013 Trying at the wrong time will make your efforts futile. Persistence is good but wisdom is required.
Perfect example. Inside the metro rail transit commonly known as MRT in Singapore. It says no signal but you keep trying, even knowing that you do not have a network. You keep refreshing and then you get upset that you don't get what you are expecting. You expect emails to update. You expect connectivity. But you know the fact that there is no network. We are stubborn. We keep pushing. Do not confuse it with persistence. Set it aside. No matter how many times you try, when there is no signal under the ground, your efforts to refresh and keep trying is useless. Why don't you save your effort, wait for the signal to come back. Definitively when you are at places that detects the network, it will come back. Only then, you try again. Don't force it. If still unhappy, change Network provider! Hahahahah! Time to rest. Time to start. Time to stop. Time to try. Time to wait. Time to try again." Emily, 09142013 I love sunsets. It reminds me how God is so beautiful He shows his grandeur thru the beauty of the sun. His presence is always felt whenever I see the sun setting and the sun rising. Each day is a reminder, the sun always shines. Behind the clouds, it will be there. At night it is always there, you just don't see it as its on the other side. Whether you feel it or you don't, He is there. Always there.
The many reasons why I love Sunsets. This photo is taken in London, United Kingdom, from the Tower Bridge of London. In this present world dictated by the standards of the physical, to be beautiful has been defined to be physically perfect. To be beautiful, women get a lot of pressure from television, magazines, movies of the Perfect Beauty. Looking good is very important as all women would agree, it builds your confidence. Yet for me, there is one most important thing that makes a woman genuinely beautiful, Beauty in the Spirit. I want to be a woman beautiful in Spirit, of whom my presence will make people happy. I want to be a woman filled with the Spirit that I may always speak in wisdom. I want to be the kind of woman that I am beautiful without makeup, because my radiance and my glow is from inside-out. I want to be the woman whom other women can confide to and rely to when they need comfort in the spirit. I want to be a woman whom other women are inspired to live their life day by day, in Love, in Faith and in Hope. Being beautiful in spirit, more than skin deep is the most beautiful foundation, nothing compared to BB Creams or any most branded foundations that we all use. If Loving God is your foundation inside, what could break you? Nothing! Because your true confidence is in Him!
Proverbs 31:10 "A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman—who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls." Start cultivating your spirit. Smile and stay beautiful! Emily-Honey, 08202013 Watched features of protests on the news just this morning. It gave me the creeps. I mourn for a Friend I have lost. I am not sure if he is alive. It reminded of this kid, he was smart, full of passion, intelligent.
Year 2000. Met him in college, in Silliman University. He used to tell me of his dreams, he told me of his love for education, for human rights, for unity and peace in the country. Fast forward. Brought him to church but they all felt it wasn't worth putting effort to reach out to him. I left school and started working, years later, moved to Singapore, didn't hear of him for years. Year 2010, a decade after long silence, he emailed me asking for my number. I was surprised, I got his number and called him back asap! He told me no one knew he is alive, people presumed him dead and I should not tell a single soul he made contact. Let people assume he is dead. I asked him where has been after all these years, he told me he joined the forces. After I left school, he joined the Leftist group. I cried because I understood exactly how hard that is to resist in our school, but I couldn't help feel sadness as it is hard to understand what he is fighting for. He dedicated his whole life fighting what he believes is right, I respect that, telling me all his hate for our government. It is good to have the passion to fight what we believe in, but it hurt me too much to see him throw all his dreams. I felt like I could have done something to influence him when he was 17yrs old. I decided to meet him in secret. It probably one of the most Bravest thing I have thought of doing. It was dangerous, but I felt it was worth meeting a man, to give myself a chance to redeem myself and maybe convince him; I don't even know why I did that. So I booked a flight to Manila to meet him, I didn't even know how he looked like anymore, but all I know, someone needed me to be there and help clear his thoughts. I flew to Manila, booked hotels, went to Mall of Asia. I was asked to stand in the middle of this area at the mall and was told he will just come tap me on shoulder. It scared me like it felt like in the movies, only then I realised how dangerous it was. I prayed no one shoots me in the head! But hell yeah, I risked my life to talk to an old Friend, I might not talk to or see another time. He tapped my shoulder and we walked together, sat a restaurant for hours as he told me his story. I cried a thousand tears of his story and I was too helpless to do something about it. Not easy to understand how people can be so passionate to fight for what they believe is right, I can't be that radical. I gave him money, I forced him to let me go shopping for him, buy what he likes, he kept saying NO, out of his hate for people who loved material stuff. He keeps telling me I have never changed, I still have the same heart, but I have to be careful not to love materialism in this world and keep thinking of the POOR. To love those who have nothing, to keep my heart for those who have none and not keep love for money. I have kept that by heart. We said our goodbyes and that kept my heart grounded. He told me he doesn't know what his future hold, it could be the last time I see him alive. That day I hugged and said bye, was the last time I met him in years. I told my Husband about this kid, it still breaks my heart how society could mold and sometimes break us. I still wait for the day he gets in touch again, I will let him meet my Husband and share stories. I still pray to this very day that he is alive. I know somewhere you are just checking on me time to time. I am always a Friend and a family, no matter what. One day you will get in touch. We keep waiting. Who knows this post will reach him. If it does, do contact me. You know who you Brother. During weddings, I'm more remembered as either the wedding organizer, the emcee, the host, the coordinator or the bridesmaid. Whenever the bride throws the bouquet, I am not part catching it cause I'm holding the mic and cheering the ladies to catch it, giggling in anticipation, ready for that big mystery "Who Gets Married Next?"
At Ami's wedding, last August 2014, as they called for the single ladies in the house, I had no excuse. I went to the very back to avoid my petiteness to be squeezed at the ultimate fight for the crown. Suddenly, I thought I lost my hearing. (Now start to imagine this) It was the sound of complete silence, I looked around, in slow motion, I saw the bride toss this bouquet of yellow roses, high up in the air like a volleyball, tumbling & turning in the air, hands were raised, ladies not in unison jumping in the air, mouths open gasping for air as the crowd cheered on. Then the music in my head played a Peter Paul and Mary song in full volume : "WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE?" Yep! I raised my arms, cause if I didn't, imagine it hitting my face. Sorry only the oldies will be able to relate to the song. And so, the story goes. It's funny after I got it, I didn't know what to do. So that's how it feels huh? You get caught in the moment you don't lose the composure and just be the girl that you truly are, mesmerized by the thought it. I realized, God never fails, He sets us for divine appointments; YOU, at the right place, at the right time, at the right moment, at the right occasion, for you to be the right person, for YOU to receive the right BLESSING. As my dearest sister handed her bouquet to me and her crown, this is her way of passing on her blessing to me as well. Sometimes it's just funny how irrational how some people act, it's ridiculous.
Fact: When you are taking the MRT (metro rail transit), you are taking the MRT like all of us normal people are. Don't act like you have to be treated extra special, cause the truth is, people won't. Of course an exemption when you are probably one of the following : Pregnant, Senior, Child or A Mother with a Child. Expect how the real world is on trains. Scenario: Ms Beautiful comes in, glammed up dressed like going to the Oscars, next to her is Mr Personality Boyfriend/Bodyguard carrying her stuff and bags. He guards her like not wanting anybody's clothes could touch her. She stands right there playing with her phone, while he stood behind her trying to make a circle around them to make sure no one comes close. It's too funny to do this man, when you are in a jam packed train very early morning. Ms Beautiful acts like she is irritated, complaining, that it's hot despite the aircon, she starts to feel grumpy, he whispers in her ears comforting words to make her feel better, rubbing her back. The train is crowded, so eventually, when it shakes left and right, of course people will bump into you. And OH MY! Of all the places my little body bumps into, is his divine guarding hand. Uh oh! Then he looked at me, stared me down, like he is going to punch me for breaking the Code of Divine Security, looked at me up and down, (not much to stare as he is a very tall guy) signaling me with his 2 fingers to back off as well as the rest of the people around them. I laughed at the gesture, it's ridiculous. Dude!! You wanna be overprotective of your girl, put her in a bullet proof van, hire the swat team, let her wear an astronaut suit, or get a hamster cage, or put her inside a bouncing bubble or something! Rather than be openly grumpy taking the public transportation. If you act like you are some rich person wanting to be treated special, why aren't you driving a car anyway? Dude, Where's your car? It's ridiculous to act up like that. Even our company VVIPs take the train and try to enjoy. Oh Life! Just too funny I had to share. Didn't mean to be mean. Just sayin! With all the drug pushers and dealers we see on the news in the Philippines being killed is highlighted now under the new President, I personally understand the trauma, it haunts me even till now. I am a VICTIM OF A DRUG ADDICT. I know & I have seen how people have struggled to get out of it.
I lived in an apartment during my college days where my then exBoyfriend and his buddies, take Drugs together in front of me. My mind was too young to understand, I didn't know the logic why they did. But I remember he would lock me in the bathroom, throw me a book to read while they do drugs. My parents were expats living in Singapore while I was wasting their money on drugs, not for myself. He would use my allowance money & tuition for drugs he buys from our school teacher, who I have heard is now in Jail. All his friends, I knew, were addicts. I remember their faces, that when I see them now, they still scare the hell out of me. At 16, he was a full time drug addict, a drug dealer, an alcoholic, a chain smoker, a sex and porn addict. He travels from Cebu to Dumaguete carrying drugs and marijuana for his friends. He carries an asthma inhaler because Guards let that go when they do security checks, inside that, he carry the drugs. He was a drug dealer, explains why people knock at our doors randomly at any time any day. I had no idea it was that bad, until that night, I looked at this man whose soul probably had left him, with glistening eyes that shine but dry, he smelt like rust, I watched him play Metallica as I was about to sleep. I woke up the next day with him still playing the guitar nonstop with his fingers bleeding, same position, same corner of the same room, no regard of time. It was gruesome. I lived my LIFE not having tried any drugs, but I lived with a drug addict. It's been years since 1997, he is now a Church pastor, but even if time has passed, memories of drugs, drug use, drug abuse by him and his friends, have never left my head. It replays when I hear the word DRUGS. It still give me creeps and goosebumps. The memories of it are traumatising. Do not let your families even go thru such. It will torment you for the rest of your life. Don't let it happen to you, your family, your kids. Don't let it DRUGS rob you of your LIFE.
My heart's security has to anchor on Gods security rather than my own nor on anybody else's. To be soaked in the reality that however I am, whatever I do, whoever I am, my identity in Him will never change. I am loved just as I am and not because of how I am expected to be. I am thankful of how I am able to stand my ground not because of my self reliance but because He holds my feet steady, my rock, my fortress, my shield.
I smile; I am not just a Warrior, my fights & battles made me this strong, yet deep within me, He retained my femininity to remain soft as I am, I am His Warrior Princess. Though when days come and you have to cry, it is alright Hon, Warriors cry too, it is not a weakness, just remember though, being vulnerable is okay when you know your security lies in The Lord. Homecoming in December, meeting the Passion and Projects team was one of the highlights. I was excited, as meeting Project Manager Jen Murillo, whom has been a friend of mine since 2003 thru ISTORYA.net. We have worked together in the past for projects related to the Cebu music industry when I was then working at a local recording studio in Cebu. MEETING THE TEAM. Imagine meeting a lively team who are all passionate and full of desire. Passion and Projects is a team of artists called together for the same excitement and LOVE FOR THE ARTS. I am an advocate myself and I would like to do my part through sponsorships for the events. The meeting in December was both an introductory as well as a celebration of the successful events the team has launched. Meeting each one of them was awesome as it was a melting pot for a whole team so outpoured with talent, ideas, plans, dreams, goals and aspirations. Meeting such a team will give a boost as well and be in touch once again with the creative side of yourself. Hearing the artists' stories, travels they have been, it's impressive & overwhelming at the same time. It makes me happy to see a whole team dedicated fully to their commitment and living the dream of doing what you love to do. So this February, Passion and Projects will be going places bringing to you MAKE IT HAPPEN Art Workshops. Floramie Rose Rolian, co-owner of Blinkbox Photos Cebu and calligraphy artist, will be teaching watercolor brush calligraphy while Josephus Bartin, an internationally renowned artist, will be teaching portrait painting.
If you would like to know more about it, like the PASSION & PROJECTS page on Facebook. What are you waiting for! Sign up for the Portrait painting! Book your slot! I had been wanting to write about this topic for a very long time but I just never got to complete the flow of thought. Plus it is a sensitive topic.
Now, one of the worst things you can do to yourself. LIE. Do not lie and live on with that lie until it becomes truth. I hear people saying that if you keep your mind to it and you condition your mind on something, it becomes real. Yeah, I learned on the power of positive thinking and read books on that but a lie is a lie. No matter how you make it so embellished and sugar coat it. It is better to know truth in your heart no matter how much it hurts. Can you imagine of all people you lie on to is yourself? It is even just between you and yourself, if you can't even tell your own self the truth and accept it, how would you expect other people to believe and accept it too? Self honestly is self acceptance. Know who you are, what you want and what makes you really happy. Live in the TRUTH instead, nothing makes you sleep so good at night where you have nothing that burdens you at all. Never thought it would bother me that much, I miscalculated my capacity to repress. It gave me nightmares for 2 consecutive days. Thursday night, as we were on our way home, we saw this couple fighting in the sides of the street and one guy in the middle trying to stop them. Imagine this: The guy wants to punch the girl in her face while the girl is taunting the guy, adding fire challenging him to punch her. Ooh bad idea girl unless you are some Ronda Rousey. I was looking at that direction and to my surprise, the angry guy looked at me with such saucer huge eyes and screamed profanity in his dialect, which I translated as "What are you looking at huh? Mind your own business!" Though when he did that, in my mind, the gesture is decoded to Eric as "you wanna fight Man? Why you staring at us? You wanna fight?" In my head, "Dude... You can't just challenge strangers to a fight? Hahaha that's just dumb and stupid."
I signaled to continue walking, I held to Eric just in case he wants to jump in. But Eric don't wanna walk and just kept looking at them. Then we saw the guy spit huge amount of super eeeeewwy yucky chunk of slimy unhygienic saliva in her face. Damn nasty! We walked slower, just in case.... The girl will ask us to help her. She didn't, she just tried to hit back and fight for herself. It's hard, to see another woman, being physically hurt in public, it messed up my emotions so bad. It was a battle to help or not to help. We all know it's an argument between a woman and a man, we're not even sure they were married or not, It's just a pain to see though a man hitting a woman. Eric said he saw him hit her in the stomach and punched her. It enraged me inside. It messed me up inside. It stirred up so many emotions that I wanted to call the police. They continued with their being a source of public nuisance, we watched from afar, then some Indian guys chilling by the park started to come in between them to help. It made me feel better, in some ways, I assumed they will not let the guy hurt her anymore. We continued walking. Somehow I wished we could have done something about it. In my head, I remained to question, what could have been the best thing to do in such a situation? When is okay to meddle at other people's affairs without being part of their mess? Or should we just tell Ourselves to HUSH? Domestic Violence is REAL. If it can happen outside much more in the households. I know a few women who went thru it, stayed thru it, moved on from it. Luckily, they HEALED & SURVIVED. Wrote this January 18, 2016, on my grandfathers birthday, we still celebrate. My Dads' Father, The Don Constantino Vargas as fondly remembered. He passed away in 2001 but his memory remains. He was very smart and hardworking man, a man of few words, a great businessman and a great grandfather to me. I come to visit him for summer vacations, sometimes he picks me up from my parents home after school is over and brings me to travel. He brings me and my younger brother to Tubajon. He takes me to his vast land, he takes me to their resort, he takes me to his large rice fields, his coconut plantation, his crops, banana plantation, his properties. He takes me up to the mountains, showed me how to plant Sweet potato, showed me how to plant trees. He took me to the peak of mountains, the deep forest, lakes and rivers. He drives this very simple rusty motorbike and every time he goes to pick me up in the afternoon while playing with other kids and he always ask me to ride his bike. I remember I tell him I'll just walk instead of ride his noisy rusty motorbike. I was young but I had preference at a young age so I always say back to him and I felt a little embarrassed. "Grandpa, if you have that so much money, why do you have to drive an old motorbike, so rusty and noisy? You can always buy a new shiny one." I was 7 years old. He replies, "Well, even rusty and old, it serves me well. It works, it runs and it's personal to me. You only buy a new thing to replace it when there is nothing left you can do to fix it. When it's not useful to me, I don't sell it. I keep it in the backyard, so when you are old, you will remember me. You will see my old rusty bike and say, oh this is my grandpa's bike!" He takes me up to the mountains, showed me how to plant Sweet potato, showed me how to plant trees. He took me to the peak of mountains, the deep forest, lakes and rivers. He was right. That worked PERFECTLY. There is no way you and your memories get off my head! I wish you know that. He was right. That worked PERFECTLY. There is no way you and your memories get off my head! I would never forget those lines, I wish you know that. No matter how old things become, we don't throw it away. We have to understand the deeper meaning of those lines, he meant Family heirloom.
Now I understand why my dad has a very huge collection of random stuff in our backyard and his work area. He keeps a lot of things in storage and keeps a lot of our memories intact. He is the same. From generation to generation. Little did I realize, I am the same. Though mine is digital as I am in the new generation, but I have 8 external hard drives, full of photos, videos I have collected and those passed on from my Dad, old photos of his parents, us from when we were kids until now that I have my own kids. My in laws are the same, from old photos too old tables, passed on from generation and stored in storage rentals. One day when I am also old, I will teach my kids the same. Treasure your moments and family is love. The trip I kind of dreaded, not because of the long travel to get there, but because I am avoiding something I also wasn't sure could be true. Arrived Tubajon, it my fathers hometown. My Mom is from Cebu, we come home a lot more often to Cebu, but going to Surigao is quite rare. My dad and family don't live there anymore, this is my grandparents ancestral home. We flew from Cebu to Surigao on an early morning flight. Then we spent the night in Surigao City before we headed for Dinagat Islands on a 4 hour boat ride. Peaceful like always, the boat docked and I saw that familiar sign, Welcome to Tubajon! Smiles as you see people excited seeing their families get off the boat. Then I saw my aunts' face, smiling and waving, excited to see me again. It's good to be back here again, it has been a while. The last time I stepped foot on this land was during my grandfathers burial August 2001. Hugs, hi, hellos to family, as my aunt introduce me all over again to people I am not familiar anymore.
Then it's time for us to go to the resort we will be staying, we had to walk past my Grandparents ancestral home. But then, all that are memories in my head. I walked by the same lot I used to call Mama and Papas home, I couldn't hold tears, the house burnt down to the ground years ago after both passed away. The memories of that home, photos, books, clothes, everything they owned and worked hard to achieve, burnt to ashes. It has been years since the house burnt down, but only that exact moment it sank in to me, only then I really mourned that we lost it. I let myself cry. I mourn for the memories. I went there not mainly for vacation, but to visit my uncle and his family, who is the Mayor of Tubajon, and to see Daddy's younger Brother & family. Other than seeing family, my other purpose is to see my Grandparents grave again and visit them. So without delay, I wanted to see them. Drove towards the direction of Del mores, where you drive past rice fields and a small bridge, then you will see that mountain where they were buried. Only the two of them are buried there. Their graves are on the very top of that, so you would need to walk and climb a little bit to get there. Finally, I have reached. It was more than emotional for me, good to see you again Mama and Papang. I knocked on the front writings of the grave, shouting, "Mama, I'm here. Honey is here. Papang, I have to come to see you. I brought my husband too. I got married Mama, Papa." It has been a loong time. Tears flowed but I had to wipe it fast and hide it, my husband was there and my aunt, dads younger sister. We lit a candle and brought sky flakes, placed on top of their graves. In this is how it feels when you lose people you love so dear. It hurts inside, it makes you cry longing for those people. But I didn't know it hurts now like how it did when they passed away. They have left the world for so long, but my heart has always been with their memories, because memories with my grandparents has made a lot of impact in my childhood. Like I said in my introduction, I kinda dreaded visiting that hometown, because it makes me cry, remembering my grandparents leaving us so early. Though moments like these makes us love more, and Love family, loving our Moms and Dads while we have them, loving your siblings, loving those that your heart can love while we can, knowing one day, all we would have of them in the end, will be memories. After the visit to the grave, we were taken on a tour to visit the family properties. I left Tubajon with a heart that is happy and fulfilled. I have kept my promise to visit their grave once again. Headed back to Mommy and Daddy's home in Cebu. There are nights I will cry because I miss them again. It has been beautiful having spent time with my closest family. Thanks for the beautiful memories. I love you Mama and Papang, always. I will always be your dearest grand daughter who will travel nautical miles just to see you both. It was all worth the trip just to visit your grave. We will see you once again.
May I have the mind to write you adoration,
That I may worship you Oh Lord with your grandeur. May sweet honey flow from my mind to my pen That I may praise you Oh God with your glory. May the articulation of love come fully out of my heart That I may express the love overflowing from me. May the spontaneity of emotions justify this medium, That I may shout the outburst of bliss knowing you. May the simplest means suffice to show my gratitude, That I may scream Oh Lord the love I have for you, That I may let this love out in freedom without shame, That I may tell the world of you without judgment As you fill my heart with so much love for you, May you fill my heart with love for others. As you bless me each day with things I don't speak of, May you bless every person I speak blessing today. As you envelope my being with unexplained emotions, May you guide me to be contagious to others. As you stir my heart like you do this very moment. May you shield all the prayers my spirit speaks, As you touch the lives of the people around me. Let you be gracious to me and my spirit Lord, So I could dance and sing every day in worship. Let you be merciful to your servant Oh God So that I could love others the way you teach & show Let you be continuously granting me favor, So that I could remain a vessel to show your glory Let you be always living in me, your Spirit So that I may Walk in Water in my littlest of Faith. The last memory we shared was graduation in primary school. We had to separate ways because I had to move to Cebu and she had to stay in Iligan. We were both 12 years old. Technology couldn't be of much help back in the days, no emails, no letter, no mobile numbers of each other, in short, Zero Contact. Then all of a sudden, Facebook made us find each other again. She was my childhood bestfriend, that girl who dreamt with me to becoming a scientist, my extemporaneous speaking partner, my essay writing buddy. It broke my heart when I left long long time ago, all I remember was her complete name and the beautiful memories.
I arrived at the London airport, so excited, I get to finally see her again after 24 years. Years of being apart, we decided to meet once again as I was on a business trip to the UK and on vacation in Europe. As soon as I saw her, we hugged as tight as we could, hoping that would make each of us feel how much longing we felt for each other all these years. It felt like we continued where we left off, it felt all the same. We laughed like we used to, shared jokes, continued to share our dreams, looked back at our beautiful memories. It's beautiful, you just know when you have a true friend who always love despite time and distance, today, we both felt like 12 years old all over again. It's good to see you again. This time I Promise, I will always be in touch. I chose the seat next to the reserved seat, that way I don't disturb anyone. Then all of a sudden this guy squeezed himself right next to me, sitting too close I had to react. Then he stared at me and smiled. Flashes from the past, scanning scanning thru my brain, from a large storage of people's faces that I have known and met and interacted all these years. And, my brain found a match! I remember him. "How have you been? It's been years." And I stared weird as memories started to form in my head, just in time for me to say back, "Yes it has been 4years since the last time you saw me." He asked me where I have been and never heard of me. "Probably because you aren't one of the people I would like to ever meet, talk nor encounter ever again", I replied with a smirk on my face. He was just a victim of association. He was a good man, but he is a friend of someone that has done something so terrible and damage towards me that I had to forgive them. He was one of his friends and never really wished to be associated with any of them who came to singapore, ask for my help and in the end abused my kindness towards them. " I would not even apologize, I don't even know your name anymore. I reformatted by brain that nothing related to you nor your friends have remained," I told him. And he said back, "I would understand." And he stated his name. And I started with, "I am not very good at being plastic, nor would pretend I would be nice to you. You were one of those people I wished I never in my life see again. When I first arrived in singapore and found a job, you all started asking for help to come here, one after another. I am a true friend when I am needed, you need my help, I give my all. I support, I help. From me being by myself here in 2009, to helping 20 to 30 people, asking for help to get a job here, I have done my part. My house ended up like a party place everytime, because I had too many friends. In the end, I had to spend more on others than myself and they have abused that. I would not do the same mistake again. My life has been most peaceful with out such kinds of people and friends." How do you trust people again? Especially those who have done terrible things towards you? I always speak of forgiveness, I have forgiven these people, but I just prefer not to interact with them anymore. There is no point. Taking advantage of the holidays in Singapore, July 17, 2015 is Hari Raya celebration would mean we are getting a long weekend. Thursday morning, I asked my husband, "Would you like to go on an adventure trip for the long weekend?" and he said, "Sure! I would love to! Surprise me!" Most people who know me, much as I love planned trips, I get crazy at times and just do random short unplanned adventure trips. I am the type who organizes long trips ahead. Like for example, my trip in August for another vacation, flights have been booked in March, hotels have been picked in April, itinerary has been written by May. I love to plan stuff and I set time too for possible changes or hiccups, gives me so much time to plan or change plans. But for short trips on weekends, I love to be spontaneous and crazy. I appreciate how my husband is always supportive when these moments happen, when i would suddenly just pop him a message, "Pack our bags, we are going on a trip. Let me surprise you!" That usually is the code for another fun filled weekend. We arrived Johor Bahru at around 103pm. Headed to Larkin Bus terminal by cab to catch the next bus to Kuala Lumpur. We were able to get an 11:15pm bus, at 60Ringgit.We traveled from Larkin Bus terminal to TBS in Kuala Lumpur. I'm a very good bus sleeper so travel long long hours on buses or trains still wouldn't stop me from getting the hours of sleep. Arrived TBS at around 3:30am and both my companions are down screaming to get a bed. I use the night time for traveling that way I get to use the whole day to do activities, unfortunately some people really need full sleep in a bed. When you arrive TBS at such timings, you will see a lot of traveller as well that are waiting for their trips. Some shops and restaurants are closed, we roamed around the first floor and found a convenience store. You can also go up to the 2nd level and you will find an Indian Food shoppe that serves tea, coffee and prata. My husband is a big prata fan. After breakfast, they had to catch some zzzzz and slept a little bit, while I watch for the next schedule and plan the day. At 6:30am, public transportation from TBS by train has started. Since check in time for the hotel is 12 noon, I suggested we can use the morning to explore the Batu Caves, part of Kuala Lumpur. Travelled to Batu Caves and arrived there around 7:45am which was the first trip for the day. Batu Caves is rich in culture, it gives you a lot of information on the Hindu faith and belief. As soon as you arrive, you will see the Giant Monkey Statue. True enough for the symbol, they did have a lot of monkeys roaming around, hanging around the trees. You will find a Hindu temple at the back of the huge statue where they pray. From there you can start walking towards the direction of the Batu Cave. I kept joking about the 272 steps, seems easy for those who run, yet will be quite a test when you had no sleep the whole night. By the time you get to the steps to the Bath cave, you should have seen the flocks and flocks of pigeons flying around. It's a whole lot of them you could even imagine. They just fly around and you can also feed them, they are indeed friendly, except you also got to be sure you won't mind getting pooped on when they fly above and around. The steps to the Batu Cave will not be as tedious since by the stairs alone, a few monkeys will try to entertain you. The view as well is mesmerizing, especially seeing that huge statue of Murugan, that looks very majestic as the sun starts to shine on it. As soon as you reach the mouth of the cave, it will be a surprise that the cave is huge. For those who are claustrophobic, at least, when you see the cave opening, you won't be scared to go it. The place has been developed and well lighted so not to worry if you are scared of the dark and some flying bats. Going inside the cave, looking up, it's definitely mind boggling how nature could create something so beautiful as this. Inside you will see a whole lot of monkeys, that reminded me when planet of the apes were starting their tribe. Some of them climb up so high, but when you start showing that you have food you want to share to them, all of them start getting out of their hiding and start going towards your direction. I'm not too good with handling monkeys, I am better with filming people try to pet them, so you won't see any video or photo of me with the monkeys. Wrapping things up, after staying there for a few hours, it was time for us to leave. Sitting inside that cave gives you a different sense of peaceful feeling as well, it didn't seem to as warm knowing there are quite a few others inside with you. Inside is a temple too where the believers offer their prayers. By the time you leave and start walking down the stairs, one of my most favorite parts in the journey is taking photos from the top steps, where you have the huge vibrant statue on the left and the view of the place in the middle. It made the walk down worthwhile and equally entertaining. To our surprise, when we went to Batu Caves, the trains were empty. Going back though from the Caves to the city, was kind of awkward. Reminds me of what I see on TV about boarding trains in India. Still, we boarded the jam packed train and headed to Kuala Lumpur City Sentral to check in to the hotel. It was indeed a fulfilling half of the day.
Politics was never my cup of tea and always had been in denial that I would ever be in politics. With too many dirty stories on politicians and news about what they do, it just makes you shun the idea of appreciating them. But then on this last trip to attend a family wedding, it opened my eyes to a new realization. Our blood has always been in politics from grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. My father is not, that is probably why me and my brothers weren't inclined nor on that path yet. Dad is a strong man, but he would leave politics to his brothers. I am like my Father; I would like to serve people in other means but not thru political medium. But lately, I started feeling "The VARGAS" blood in me. To clarify, I still do not intend to run for any political post. I am sharing because I appreciate. But of course, I do not close my self to the possibility because I would like to serve as well.
This last trip to join my cousins wedding just explained to me what the real meaning of politics is. My uncle just inspired me in so many different ways. For my cousins wedding, a lot of family and relatives travelled to another island. Uncle asked me to see everyone since our relatives stayed in one apartment. I met uncles, aunts, cousins to the farthest degree. They gladly hugged me and kisses me, not seeing me for a long time. It made me teary eyed, because these people remember you as a child and tell you stories about your Dad when he was young. They traveled almost 3days to get to Bacolod from Surigao, despite weather conditions. It's beautiful. Politics is not being in position. I saw how uncle treated each person like family, even by blood or not, they are family. I fully understand the Call to SERVE. Those who want to exalt themselves will be humbled; those who humble himself will be exalted. I understood the Real Heart of a Politician. I wouldn't say it's about money, power, influence, and personal gain. Material things are like dust in this world, they get flown away by the wind. A real politician is the real servant to his people; he serves them because he loves them and wants the best for them in their lives. He gives what he is abundant of. He gives his life in service because he wants to provide not just for his own family, but to even extended. He could choose a life of relaxation and be on vacation, retire and life in the US, but he chooses to serve until he can. As I met those relatives I never even knew names, it lightened my heart. My heart loves each one. It made me understand the definition, THE CALL TO SERVE, that your life is not about yourself, it is always about the people you love, helping other people, giving your heart for other people without any exchange in return. I wish all politicians get the HEART to SERVE so they live by their purpose. |
AUTHOR
And now these three remain: FAITH HOPE LOVE. But the greatest of these is LOVE. I LOVE to write, about LIFE, LOVE, PEOPLE, EXPERIENCE, day to day life and INSIGHS. I love to Travel. I write about experience, culture, highlights and knowledge. May this site serve you well. I will be open for comments and suggestions, as well as topics I could write about. Thank you very much. Enjoy! |