I had Cael in the stroller and he was crying , screaming to be exact, for reasons I could not even tell. I tried to take him out of his seat and carried him, but that did not seem to help. We were at the grocery and he isn’t having it, he was screaming and crying, wouldn’t take milk nor won’t take any toy as he usually does. Everyone around just started staring at me, in my head, “Don’t judge me Hahahah I am trying all my best to calm him down. Nothing is just working.” I paced around the aisles hoping he calms down, Daddy is few shops away, was at Staples sending out important mail. I wanted to cry in frustration but in my head, what’s that going to do? One person asked me, “Didn’t you get him a pacifier?” I just laughed uncomfortably and replied, “Yeah, he hates it. He takes it out of his mouth or just spits it.” To be honest, both David and Zofia never grew up with it too, Cael just absolutely would not take it. Ughh. Frustrating when you run out of things to do. Calm down Mama. It's normal for babies to cry, but it's society just makes you feel like it is wrong when Babies cry in public. I hate that. Looked around, no breastfeeding stations. No chairs. No lounges. I decided to leave the supermarket, left the shopping cart. I told Cael (just turned 6 months) as we headed out the door and started walking outside towards Staples, “It’s okay baby Cael, don't cry, we’re going to see DADDY!.” And boom... just as I said the word Daddy, he stopped crying and started looking around for Daddy. We walked around and he was at peace, waiting for a few minutes and we saw Daddy, Cael reaches out to him, then Eric asked me, “You want me to hold him?” I passed Cael to him, he didn’t cry anymore after that. Eric gave me a teasing grin.
Emotions were confusing. I tried to hold back my tears. There are days he prefers the Daddy more than Mommy, of course because Daddy spends most of the time during the days with him, I spend time with him after work until evening and sleep together, then all my weekends are with him. Told myself, stop being emo! This is a great thing. I appreciate my husband spending a lot of time with Cael as he works at night and I work during the day, though sometimes, it tugs my heart too, because when Cael was a newborn, the first 5 months, whenever he cries and inconsolable, Daddy passes him to me and he instantly calms down. It used to make him emotional too that he would keep looking for Mommy for comforting and he felt helpless. Like I said, balance is a great thing. There will be days he would want Mommy yet there will also be days he would keep looking for Daddy, either way, it’s all great, we know we both are there for him, no competition here. Right, Eric? Hahahahaha!
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MONDAY morning! It is when someone at work asked me if I am not feeling very well when I arrived, I said I was fine. I wondered why though, I sat down at my office chair fixed my hair and dabbed on lipstick, all set. She then said, "Ooh there you go. Your usual self." That's what happens when they are so used to seeing you wearing lipstick all the time. Cheers to Mamas who still find time to dress up and be glammed up, honestly my self fix time got cut to only 2mins and not 1hour like I used to, I only change to heels once I get to work but wear flats while traveling. Welcome to Express Mamas Multitasking! If anyone will ask me how was my day, I could literally say, "It is only 9am but I felt like I did a whole lot today." Flashes back in fast forward how the day went. 5am and I’m up and about getting things ready, preparing the kids breakfast, getting them to shower ready for school. I work in the IT field and somehow I wish everything at home you can design, program and automate just as the tasks we do at work. With 3 children; one elementary, the other one in middle school, one 4month old baby that stays home, both me and my husband work full time jobs. How are we managing it? I wonder too myself! The morning starts with everyone getting in the shower, the 2 kids are pretty much independent who showers, change and report to the dining table once they are ready. I cook their breakfast and pack their snacks to take to school. While they eat, I shower and feed Cael. This 4 month old baby is still breastfed, I feed him in the morning, I pump the whole day at work to store milk for Cael to drink the next days during the day. Then from the afternoon I arrive from work, till evenings, till the next day I leave for work again. Kids school starts at 8am, so we got to leave like 7am to get to school in time, I drop them at school 730am, then I go to work, my work starts 830am Monday’s thru Fridays, on call on certain weekends. I send them to school in the morning then I head to work. Some days, I work from home so Eric could sleep while I work. Eric picks them up after. Eric gets done at 730am from work, three days a week, some on call days on weekends, so certain days we got the nanny to help us out with watching Cael so he can sleep and I can work, some days he takes care of Cael and just take naps during the day with him. In short, the week gets really busy with school and work, reading all that probably got you tired too huh! Now, it is a house full of noise, a crying baby, a house full of toys, artworks and drawings but I prefer that. For me, this is life now and I’m learning, waking up at 2am because I wanted to clean, just because I feel like it. May feel like I’m a late bloomer but I’m proud to say, I learned to do the dishes without having to use the dishwasher at many times and just because you feel like you can do better than the dishwasher. So when I don’t answer to messages and calls at 8pm weekdays, don’t be surprised I am already in bed sleeping! It’s not that I intended to sleep early, I initially put the kids to sleep so I can do the rest of the chores, in some days I fall asleep and wake up the next day when damn exhaustion gets you! My spirit is willing but the body sometimes complain when you push it to its limits.
Back to how we are managing it? Friends, church mates who help us time to time, lots of Prayers too. It comes with Grace, I pray at random times in the day asking God to lead us everyday and guide us so we don’t get lead astray. Don't let all these busy life overwhelm me Lord, let Love, Faith, Hope, Patience, Understanding take over us instead because Life is meant to be enjoyed as we live it everyday. It was me, my childhood bestfriend Thesa, her Mom - Mama Thelma and my daughter Zofia eating at the table. Out of nowhere, she asked me, "Mommy, did you have other boyfriends before you met Dada?" The first question made me look at Thesa, gave her a look with one eyebrow raised, for she knows everything from the start. In my mind, "Oh man, this question of curiosity I am sure will lead to another big question she actually wants to ask me." The way I know my daughter, she is very inquisitive, yet at her age, it is not the right time for us to reveal details of our love life, as it would require a lot of maturity for her to understand what relationship really is all about. Discussing my relationships and my exes would need not just an article, it will require me to write a book about it, yep! 2 long term failed relationships and how complicated. So I asked her, "Why do you ask about that?" She replied, "Because when I finally decide to have a boyfriend and when Dada lets me get a boyfriend, I would need your help to choose the right one." That made me and Thesa laugh out loud. Choosing the right man was a struggle for me too, of course she did not know that. At the age of 30, I was still even confused about the RIGHT MAN, seems funny to think we get to help her make that decision. I told her, "There is no need to rush for it, but when he is the right man, you would know, because we would all approve of him, whoever he is." The next question was, "So how old would I be when I know it is okay to have a boyfriend and to make sure he is the right man?" I wanted to roll my eyes, me and Thesa got married in our 30s and I do not want to tell her to wait till she is 30 so I just said, "When the right time comes, the right man comes. He will not be perfect, he will not be fitting at first to all of your expectations, but as long as he loves you, he is sincere, he loves your family, respects you, would never lift a hand to hurt you, he would not abuse you in any means, then you would know in your heart. Most important is, do not keep secrets from Mommy because I will help you figure it all out. For now, enjoy time as a child, enjoy your family, worry about such later. You have a whole lot of other things to accomplish, just listen to Mommy all the time." And then she said, "I want someone like Dada, because Dada loves you and he loves us." These words might not mean so much to her at the moment nor would not even make any much sense, but I definitely will remember every word released to her especially now that we are grown ups, settled, married and raising a family. I am in between wanting her to learn life the way I did to make her as strong as I am, but I would not want her to go thru the same stupid mistakes I have done in my life. If she could avoid being young and stupid as I did, I would prefer that, yet as experience has taught me, it will serve as a guide for me to lead her the right way. For now, let's hold that thought and I will enjoy her being a 9 year old. No more boyfriend talks at all. |
EmilyAnderson
And now these three remain: FAITH HOPE LOVE. But the greatest of these is LOVE. I LOVE to write, about LIFE, LOVE, PEOPLE, EXPERIENCE, day to day life and INSIGHTS. I love to Travel. I travel a lot, I create Video blogs on my travel as well as I write about experience, culture, highlights and knowledge. May this site serve you well. I will be open for comments and suggestions, as well as topics I could write about. Thank you very much. Archives
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