GLITTER DUST OF MY MIND. SOLILOQUY.
Lying in the sand, watching the bright sky, the moon so bright and you can hear the splash of the sea water by the shore. Then my girlfriend asked me, "Honey, how would I know it's time to LOVE again?" A private person as she is, heart issues is not something she discusses with me. But that night, she did. I had to postpone my skygazing to accommodate her. I told her how I learned to start over again. My heart, due to long term exposure of hurts and pain from immature, selfish relationships, it got so bruised. "I had to go thru so much that you could imagine; pain, abuse, hurt, neglect. I decided to give myself a break and ended the long term relationships. Enough Honey, after a decade and a half of being in a relationship, I said it is time for my heart to REST."
I remember that moment I made the decision that I will let God take over. To be visual, That day I took my heart out of my chest and looked at it in my hands, I saw a calloused heart, too strong to feel true love. A heart that was strong but was bleeding and almost dying. A heart that had too many cuts, wounds and burns. A heart that needed a complete open heart surgery. And I started asking, "Why Lord? What have I done to deserve this?" And He responded with a Why too; "Why are you afraid? Why are you always afraid? Why are you afraid to give your heart to me? I am your God and I am faithful. I created you, I know you more than anyone else. Give your heart to me." It brought me to tears. How could it be so hard to let go of such an ugly heart that I should have thrown away? I wasn't worried of the pain. The reason that it was not easy because that heart has kept so many things into its depth. It could be broken from the outside, but to it's core, there lies all my great memories of love, affection from loved ones, wonderful dreams, promises kept, smiles of people I treasure, words that kept me strong, beautiful hopes, childhood memories, my family, my treasure. I managed to keep them alive despite everything that I had to go thru. God is all knowing and God is faithful, I gave Him my whole heart. He held it in His own hands and kept it. He left with my heart. I waited. I waited patiently. I seek Him everyday because He was holding my heart. I come to Him in humility and prayer. Then the day came at His perfect time, He called my attention. I was eager with excitement! My mind was racing, I keep wondering how He could be repairing my heart, fixing it and polishing it. Then He revealed His wonderful surprise. When I opened the gift, It made me more than delighted. God gave me a NEW HEART! Not the old one with stitches and repairs, a totally brand new one! That moment was too beautiful to describe. The heart that I have inside is new, changed, in very good condition, that is why it could love with so much intensity. It is a fresh heart, very beautiful, unharmed, beating, blissful and always grateful. It changed everything around me. I thanked Him for giving me a new heart. To my surprise, As I prayed in thanksgiving, He touched my heart once again and pinned to its core a tiny little seed. A seed that looked like a very sparkling blue diamond and it started branching out into beautiful small green vines covering my whole heart from inside out. Imagine my heart, with a hole in the middle with the blue diamond and emerald green vines coming out of it enveloping the whole heart and locked it. The diamond has all the beautiful dreams He has given me since the day He created my Mothers Womb. Dreams that God placed in my heart, dreams my parents planted, dreams that I started to build. The emerald vines I later knew, are called Strongylodon macrobotrys, those were the memories that I have made and treasured that made my heart strong. From then on, I kept this heart pure and safe. I safeguarded it. He added something new. He placed a Red Ruby that started giving pure LOVE, burning PASSION, Strong DESIRE! The kind of love that I never thought I could give and the kind I never thought I could even offer. "Honey, how would I know it's time to LOVE again?" When God says it the right time, after He checked all your intentions and desires, after He gives you a new heart. I guess that's why now i always say and feel like I am feeling everything I am experiencing like it is my first time. Emily-Honey. May2,2013 |
AUTHOR
And now these three remain: FAITH HOPE LOVE. But the greatest of these is LOVE. I LOVE to write, about LIFE, LOVE, PEOPLE, EXPERIENCE, day to day life and INSIGHS. I love to Travel. I write about experience, culture, highlights and knowledge. May this site serve you well. I will be open for comments and suggestions, as well as topics I could write about. Thank you very much. Enjoy! |